Homesickness
First of all: Merry Christmas, happy holidays, happy New Year...
Now, homesickness is a curious phenomena. It's usually found hand in hand with its buddy culture shock and together they like to mess with you. I have encountered them on moments that I did not expect them to show up and they probably will stop by a couple of times again in the near future. But let's start from the beginning.
First things first: I'm not an expert. Everything I know is from personal experience. So don't be offended when I define some things wrong.
To me, in many ways, culture shock and homesickness are the same. Their effects on people generally are pretty hard to distinguish. The clear division, however, can be found in the trigger that sets it off. As I noticed, you can roughly say that if the trigger was something external, it was culture shock, but if the trigger was something internal, it probably was homesickness.
So for example, one of my first culture shocks happened when we were driving from the airport to the hotel. I just saw the streets and houses in the US for the first time and my first thought was: "I will never get used to this." The streets were super wide, the traffic signs were completely different, the driving style was different... Everything was just so... different. And I was 100% sure that I would never get used to it, that I just made the biggest mistake in my life, why did I think this was a good idea? The moment I stepped outside of the airport, I was ready to go back in and wait for the first flight back to Belgium, even with my dad by my side and after spending 2 hours trying to get through border security.
One of the first times that I got really homesick, was one of the first nights I slept in my dorm. I was dreaming about home and right before I woke up, I heard some footsteps in the hallway coming my way. Since, I was dreaming about home, I immediately thought it was my mom walking to the restroom. So, you can imagine how disorienting it was to wake up in a room that wasn't my own, or at least didn't feel like it was. After the first panic (from not knowing where I was) subsided, I felt a sinking feeling and just wished I could hold my parents one more time.
But, of course, it all went downhill again. After roughly five weeks on campus I had a major breakdown. Dutch words started slipping into my English, I had serious troubles understanding everyone, I felt lonely and isolated, I felt like I was constantly missing out on things... I crashed down from the top of a five story-building. Every time I video chatted, I would start crying. Internally wishing I could just be there with them.
But I found out I wasn't the only one. Other exchange students also got frustrated when they couldn't keep their native language out of their English or that they "still hadn't made any progress". And WEP had warned us beforehand as well. So, I felt quite relieved, knowing I wasn't the only one going through this, but it took some time to fully get over it anyway.
Thus, it was after the finals, during my winter break that I crashed again. There were two important factors at play. First of all, no one in Belgium had break, so no one really had time to chat or call and I didn't want to bother anyone, so I didn't push. Secondly, a lot of my friends in America left. The exchange students started travelling, the American students slowly turned home. Day by day, there were less people left, with of course an all time low around Christmas.
But, I don't know that yet and there is only one way to find out: we wait and see.
Now, homesickness is a curious phenomena. It's usually found hand in hand with its buddy culture shock and together they like to mess with you. I have encountered them on moments that I did not expect them to show up and they probably will stop by a couple of times again in the near future. But let's start from the beginning.
Culture shock or homesickness
I already hear you asking: What's the difference?First things first: I'm not an expert. Everything I know is from personal experience. So don't be offended when I define some things wrong.
To me, in many ways, culture shock and homesickness are the same. Their effects on people generally are pretty hard to distinguish. The clear division, however, can be found in the trigger that sets it off. As I noticed, you can roughly say that if the trigger was something external, it was culture shock, but if the trigger was something internal, it probably was homesickness.
So for example, one of my first culture shocks happened when we were driving from the airport to the hotel. I just saw the streets and houses in the US for the first time and my first thought was: "I will never get used to this." The streets were super wide, the traffic signs were completely different, the driving style was different... Everything was just so... different. And I was 100% sure that I would never get used to it, that I just made the biggest mistake in my life, why did I think this was a good idea? The moment I stepped outside of the airport, I was ready to go back in and wait for the first flight back to Belgium, even with my dad by my side and after spending 2 hours trying to get through border security.
One of the first times that I got really homesick, was one of the first nights I slept in my dorm. I was dreaming about home and right before I woke up, I heard some footsteps in the hallway coming my way. Since, I was dreaming about home, I immediately thought it was my mom walking to the restroom. So, you can imagine how disorienting it was to wake up in a room that wasn't my own, or at least didn't feel like it was. After the first panic (from not knowing where I was) subsided, I felt a sinking feeling and just wished I could hold my parents one more time.
When
The first times
As expected, most of the times that I felt homesick or experienced culture shock, was in the first week. Funnily enough, after about two weeks I already felt great. Almost invincible. I was talking to people, joined in all the activities that I could, I made my first friends, got registered for my classes, didn't need a map to navigate campus anymore... Everything went smooth and I loved it.But, of course, it all went downhill again. After roughly five weeks on campus I had a major breakdown. Dutch words started slipping into my English, I had serious troubles understanding everyone, I felt lonely and isolated, I felt like I was constantly missing out on things... I crashed down from the top of a five story-building. Every time I video chatted, I would start crying. Internally wishing I could just be there with them.
But I found out I wasn't the only one. Other exchange students also got frustrated when they couldn't keep their native language out of their English or that they "still hadn't made any progress". And WEP had warned us beforehand as well. So, I felt quite relieved, knowing I wasn't the only one going through this, but it took some time to fully get over it anyway.
Later on
Ever since, there were only a few times when I felt really homesick. One of those, was when I arrived back in my dorm after visiting Chicago with my mom. All of a sudden I understood the cliché "home is not a place, it's person". My dorm didn't feel like home (it still doesn't), because my parents weren't there. But finals were right at my doorstep, so I didn't spend much time in my dorm anyway (except for the studyroom) and I also didn't have time to think about it too much.Thus, it was after the finals, during my winter break that I crashed again. There were two important factors at play. First of all, no one in Belgium had break, so no one really had time to chat or call and I didn't want to bother anyone, so I didn't push. Secondly, a lot of my friends in America left. The exchange students started travelling, the American students slowly turned home. Day by day, there were less people left, with of course an all time low around Christmas.
My American Christmas
Luckily, I don't have to spend my Christmas all alone. I'm visiting some distant relatives. How this will affect my homesickness, I don't know yet (I'm writing this beforehand). I'm hoping that just spending time in a family setting will do me some good. So far I haven't regretted staying in the dorms for a single moment, but I do miss those stupid moments where you just all sit in the sofa and half-watch some stupid movie or show that they're playing on the TV.
However, if that still won't suffice, I will meet my family in New York, so that should definitely do the trick.
Naturally, it could also result in the complete opposite and make me start from square one again.
However, if that still won't suffice, I will meet my family in New York, so that should definitely do the trick.
Naturally, it could also result in the complete opposite and make me start from square one again.
But, I don't know that yet and there is only one way to find out: we wait and see.
-N
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